


Stories off Bleach

by Yitian



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, F/M, Family, Introspection, Loyalty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-05-07 08:47:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19205944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yitian/pseuds/Yitian
Summary: What goes on behind the violet silence/violence that is Kuchiki Rukia's preferred means of communication?  I hope to make this a series of one-shots that casts some light on our dark-haired, kick-ass Death Goddess.There's a mix of canon-compliant and non-compliant shots, although these were written quite a few years ago, before the conclusion of Bleach (aka before Kubo destroyed the series and casually tossed away my OTP) so amusingly I was accidentally canon compliant with one AU attempt.PS: I've been reading some amazingly thoughtful and powerful Ichiruki fanfic and oddly I'm feeling better about the Bleach ending. I doubt, if Kubo had delivered a happy-ever-after for Ichiruki, fanfic in that slant would have been as passionate and angry- having one's very-vested OTP skewered in the most ridiculous way stokes the fire of feeling and creativity so yes, I think I found something to 'appreciate' about Bleach's ending!





	1. Mightier than the Zanpakuto

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place after our Ryoka leave Soul Society in the first arc and although intended to be a Rukia vignette- it turned out to be something of an exploration of how Byakura and Rukia communicate even though we know that in all the 50 years of adoption, Byakura never even looked at Rukia.

One week after the Ryoka leave Seireitei, Rukia picks up her brush again.

 

In her early adopted days, as stranger in a strange land, with only chilly Kuchiki Taichou for company and deliberately kept away from Renji and any other associations with her pre-Kuchiki days, Rukia discovered in herself a passion for drawing.

 

As a member of the esteemed Kuchiki clan, there were carefully select things that Rukia was allowed to do and calligraphy, painting and poetry were three of them.  Rukia threw herself at her only approved hobbies with gusto.  True she laid waste to many scrolls of the highest quality rice paper, bent crooked numerous rare brushes made from wild horse mane and squandered immensely expensive inks on Chappy drawings, yet none of her sensei could deny that her efforts were valiant when reporting on her progress.  

 

Under the guise of honing her skills Rukia drew and wrote all her secret insecurities, her joys, her frustrations, her triumphs and her deep, dark memories- from losing her childhood Nakama, to the unmentionable way Kaien ceased to be. 

 

Over the decades it became a habit to express herself not in words, and certainly not in tears (for those would threaten the elegant silence that hung on the Kuchiki residence like an embroidered silk shroud) but in scribbles and scrawlings.

 

After the chaos that was her stay in the weird and wonderful, cramped and crazed human world, the madness that was her imprisonment, her close execution and wild happenings in Seireitei, Rukia had thought she would cherish the peace and security of the Kuchiki grounds.  Yet oddly the massive zen gardens, the wide ponds adorned with a single stone lantern here, a carefully groomed bonzai there have never seemed more like a graveyard.

 

Rukia knows that she belongs to Soul Society, with her friends, family, clan- and that here was where her chances of being part of the battle ahead were highest.

 

Yet in her mind's eye Rukia hears the quiet shuffle of servants as ghostly echoes of Isshin's brash door-crashing ways of moving, the delicate food a hunger-dampening version of Yuzu's mouth-watering comfort dishes, the polite murmur of her maids as washed-out versions of a certain contrary, red-headed voice. 

 

Sipping tea in the exquisite snow-laden grounds she visualizes burying her memories in the graveyard-landscape.  She puts to rest the melodramatic tears and cries from a certain stuffed lion weeping "Neeeeee-san" and pats cold soil over the a coffin that contains cheerful, nonsense chatter from a buxom friend.   
  
Once she had to repress the memory of a so-daft-it-was-cool Quincy costume that the fluttering ribbon from a wind chime brought to mind.

 

Rukia finds that burying her memories only makes the silence more deafening. So it is that, in the deep nights, after hours of exhausting practice, but too tired to sleep, she falls back on her old drawing and writing habits. 

 

***

 

In another remote part of the Kuchiki grounds, Kuchiki Byakura, expressionless as usual, sits with Rukia's latest drawings in hand, and glances over at the tablet holding Hisana's name. 

 

The power of the Kuchiki's provides much and more for Hisana's sister, but, as Byakura is increasingly aware, it also takes much and more away from her.

 

Unbeknowst to Rukia, Byakura always personally examines this adopted sister's handiwork after her servants or sensei's take it from her. 

 

In hand today he has Rukia's latest: A painstakingly drawn sparrow that is caught just alighted from a branch of cherry blossoms heavy with white snow.  A spray of ice particles show its silent desperation to get away.

 

(It is decades of silently observing Rukia's drawings that enable Byakura to discern this from the halting circles, shaky strokes and mass of seemingly random dots that splatter the sheet.)

 

At the top right hand of the painting Rukia has written a surprisingly lucid (for her) haiku in her usual chicken-scratching kanji(1):

 

"Snow-laden sprig-

 A lone bird flutters

Scattering unseen flakes"

  
_Do not be afraid Hisana, I nearly failed you once by turning away from her, but it will not happen again. By my strength, Rukia will not only be defended, she will be given the chance to be happy._  
  
***  
  
Months later, when the surveillance team was being assembled by the Captains to respond to the Arrancar emergency, and Yamamoto Soutaichou started by suggesting Rukia, all eyes swiveled to Kuchiki Taichou, expecting something of a chilly clash of wills.  Afterall Kuchiki has shown his willingness to pull strings and his weight to keep Rukia out of harms' way (e.g., a seated position) before.   
  
To everyone's surprise, Kuchiki only hesitated a split second before silently nodding at Ukitake and Yamamoto- meaning, in the silent, Nobles' body language: _Of course Kuchiki Rukia, Shinigami, will do whatsover her taichou and her soutaichou wish of her._  
  
Inside his head he adds ... _and what her heart wishes of her._  
  
Hence it was that Rukia managed with her not-particularly-mighty brush what she would never dream of trying with a Zanpakuto: Bend the great Kuchiki Byakuya to her unexpressed will.

 

(1)The adopted [logographic](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Logographic) Chinese characters that are used in the modern [Japanese writing system, often for more formal writing e.g., in names and titles](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_writing_system)

 


	2. The Wisdom to Know the Difference

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the end of the Substitute Shinigami arc.

Not for nothing did Kuchiki Rukia train for five decades to put on a stoic front like her Nee-sama.

 

When Ichigo, bleeding nearly to death in front of the Senkaimon, looked at her with incomprehension as she kicked his hand away from her Nee-sama and told him to never come find her, her voice didn't break.

 

When she was put in the prison, she made no scenes, scarcely made any sound.

 

When she was informed of her execution, her face betrayed nothing.

 

The key was to feign chilly indifference to things she could not change: Ignore water vendors who called her street rat, ignore what fellow-Shinigami said when she was adopted, what Central 46 ordered, what Urahara did to her gigai, what Nee-sama would not do for his adopted sister.

 

And channel her passion to the things she could change:  Steal water, become Shinigami, train, purify hollows, save Ichigo from Nee-sama, spare everyone her despair.

 

She was proud of her ability to know the difference between the things she could and could not change.

 

However, the moment a certain crazy substitute shinigami dropped out of the sky and casually blocked the million zanpukutos with his one, saying "Oi, I'm here to save you", Rukia is forced to admit that there is something to be said for being too foolish to know that there are things you cannot change.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired, of course, by the famous prayer "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,  
> the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."


	3. Without doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set after the Winter War, when I imagine, in the long hiatus that Byakuya and Rukia would have time to get to know each other better, and Byakuya would have time to introspect on his, in some ways, newly found sister and her friends.

Byakuya Kuchiki doesn't know what to make of the junior Kurosaki.

 

On the surface, they are as different as can be imagined.  One Noble, the other Ryoka; One centuries old, the other not past his second decade; One the esteemed Captain of the 6th division, honored scion of House Kuchiki, the other a high school student, substitute Shinigami, sprung from a forbidden union between an ex-Gotei Captain and a human.

 

Still Byakuya allows himself to acknowledge that Kurosaki had beat him, albeit in a moment of underestimation by himself, in a fair fight.  His talent may even have eclipsed that of a certain Noble who had precociously fought and defeated his own grandfather to win the right to be head of House Kuchiki.

 

He also acknowledges that Kurosaki had been trained by the best. Including Goddess of Flash- who is, as Byakuya remembers from his own time as Yoruichi's mentee, very picky about who she trained.  

 

Byakuya would _not_ acknowledge that something about the way Rukia sometimes looked at Kurosaki makes Byakuya involuntarily remember a certain young Noble's early struggle between his feelings for a lowly Rukongai woman with dark hair and beautiful violet eyes and what he knew was the Right Thing to do.

 

On the surface Byakuya says nothing, does not nod, does not acknowledge, when Kurosaki is mentioned by Rukia, which, in the unspoken language between them, indicates passive disapproval.  

 

Underneathe Byakuya is uncertain how he feels about this rude, young, lowly, reprobate who has changed Rukia, saved her life in spite of Byakuya himself, has likely saved the universe from being ruled by a egomaniacal tyrant, and even brought about a subtle, but sure shift in the very pillars of Soul Society and Sereitei.

 

However Byakuya knows one thing without doubt: If said orange-haired punk ever, ever makes Rukia sad, then the last thing Kurosaki would learn in his abruptly shortened life is that he is not the only person who can bring down fire and brimstone in defense of Kurosaki Rukia.


	4. An Inconvenient Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One-sided Ichi-Ruki where Rukia shows herself to be the bigger, wiser Shinigami.

Rangiku catches Rukia off-guard one day while she is rather drunkenly (Rangiku of course, not Rukia) celebrating the end of the winter war. "You know- Orihime is a real nice girl."

Surprised Rukia arcs an eyebrow "Of course..."

 

"And she's pretty taken by that orange-headed kid."

Less surprised "I know..."

 

"So..." Rangiku leanes in, with all the implications it had for her bountiful chest, eliciting appreciative gasps from the other patrons of the bar "... what's the deal with you and him?"

 

Rukia puts on her usual frown.  It's not the first time she's been asked that, and she's a little tired of it, and specifically tired of evasion.  Perhaps this is a chance to finally put the nonsense to rest. 

 

Rukia takes a deep breath and plunges.  "I'd rather not get silly about this, so I'll say it straight."

 

_It is hard to remember that, in spite of her stature, her childlike features and kiddy fascination with Chappy and juice boxes, Rukia is not a child, not even a teenage like the rest of her nakama.  She has seen things as a spirit waif, then as a Death God that would make cynical men weep and brave women blanch.  
_

  
"My nakama in the human world mean a lot to me and yes Ichigo means something more."

  
  
_For awhile Rukia kept repeating nakama, nakama, nakama to herself whenever she thinks of Ichigo, as if it were a kido incantation to ward against some insidious attack._  
  
_But over time even she has to admit that there is an undeniable whiff of possessiveness in how she calls him "her" substitute shinigami.  There is a swell of feeling beyond pride when the so-called "Kuchiki/Urahara/Shihoin prodigy" shows up, broadcasting insane amounts of spirit pressure and nonchalantly says "I've come to save you."  (Although that time she had desperately wanted to smack him down right there and then for his stupidity and disobedience in coming after her and craziness in thinking he could do it.)_  
  
_There has been a lot of random, silly happiness.  Kicking Ichigo when he got dumb, or her playing eye-lid-fluttering idiot to make him roll his eyes were a little more fun than it should have been._  
  
_There has even been a healthy dose of physical attraction. When he stands there, shinigami robes flapping across his fine body, sword drapped over his shoulder, a very masculine glint of mischief in his not-quite-smiling eyes, Rukia has to grind her teeth against the surge of long-rusty desire._

 _And there is an unspoken, understanding softness in his eyes every time they said goodbye:_   _When she left the human world with Byakura and Renji; When he left Seireitei with the rest of their nakama; When they part ways in the mazes of Huendo Mundo; When his eyes glazed over as she, from his perspective, vanished from sight for the last time, months ago._

 

 _And there is an understated happiness when they say hello:_   _When they meet before the flames of Sokyuku; When she leapt up to the window in the suddenly frozen classroom in Karakura; When they met again in the billowing desserts of Hueco Mundo._

 

"But he is not my lover," Rukia doesn't mince words. "When it comes down to it, Ichigo needs someone to protect, and someone who can be with him. And that isn't me."

 

_Rukia is a down-to-earth (if eccentric), highly skilled, century-old shinigami of the Kuchiki clan, who has survived Ripongai, and serves one of the most revered, beloved Captains in the Gotei 13.  
_

_Compared to that,  a certain red-haired orphaned human girl with a fiercely protective yet fundamentally soft-heart nature, struggling to come to terms with her god-like powers is both more needy and has a life trajectory that more closely parallels Ichigo's own._

 

"It isn't my place to say this, and you can take it up with Ichigo," Rukia strives for an even voice "but if I were betting, I'd put money on Orihime."

 

_Rukia doesn't believe in deluding herself.  
_

_To rescue Rukia, Ichigo subjected himself to the harshest of trainings, and risked his life over and over in grim determination.  Ichigo has always stood by Chad's side and he would put himself up for anything that Chad would.  And Ichigo might growl at Ishida, but he would simultaneously do his damnest to defend that antagonistic last-of-the-Quincies.  
_

_Yet it is only when his family or Orihime are put at risk that Ichigo goes berserk with rage and protectiveness.  Orihime's faith gave Ichigo the strength to fight on with Grimmjow, her cries brought Ichigo back from beyond the brink of death after Ulquiorra breaks him.  And Ichigo has never mentioned indebtedness or gratitude in connection with Orihime or his family- he is simply driven to protect those he loves.  
_

_As Rukia pieced all this together, Orihime had once, absent-mindedly, daydreamed outloud about her "love of five lifetimes".  The ache that shot through Rukia when she heard that had initially surprised her.  
_

_But Rukia was proud that neither that, nor her subsequent, belated observation of how gentle Ichigo was with, and only with, Orihime affected Rukia's own affection for Orihime.  
_

_Orihime was her friend who stood by her through her darkest hours. Orihime was nakama who risked her life to rescue her. Nakama was sacred._

 

"And that's fine by me."

 

_It's true that Rukia has moments of indulgent wallowing, and sometimes the memory of a smile, a little closet, a silent moment of perfect understanding haunts her.  
_

_But at the end of the day she is Kuchiki Rukia, Shinigami._

_She allows these unneccessary-for-a-Shinigami feelings to wash over her and then bleed away.  Rukia will not allow her friendships and partnerships and nakama-hoods to be untainted by selfish jealousy or self-pity._

 

"Soul Society is where I belong, and there are battles ahead of us yet."

 

_Even with the war over, for the universe to survive, a new world order is needed._

_Seireitei must learn how to work with Quincies and Ryokas, Visoreds and eccentric/dangerous genuis-exiles.... anything less would risk history repeating itself.  There was an urgent need to rebuild the decimated ranks of the Gotei13, reassure the surviving Shinigami and residents of Soul Society, sweep the living world and Soul Society for stray powerful hollows that escaped in the chaos.  And last but not least, decide how to deal with the remnants of Aizen's army that, last anyone knew, was still holed up in Hueco Mundo._

 

"I'm not young or stupid enough to neglect my work and friends, my taichou, my nee-sama or my clan, to claim something that isn't mine to claim."

 

_Rukia can and does feel heart-sick at this truth some cold, dark nights.  But she cannot spare the energy to wallow in her personal feelings.  Captain Ukitake needs her, her squad needs her, her friends in both Seireitei and the human world need her.  
_

_Rukia knows Rangiku, of everyone, would understand what it is to pick her duty over a person._

_Neither are strangers to tough love- Rukia's hands have been washed in the blood of someone she had loved before._

Those words hang, unsaid, but clear, in the air between them.  Rangiku is uncharacteristically quiet and her eyes soft as she pours Rukia another drink which Rukia accepts. 

So it is that two of the most loyal, level-headed Shinigami in all of Seireitei spend the rest of their evening drinking in bitter-sweet, entirely silent and perfectly sympathetic celebration of the close of the Winter war and some mildly inconvenient truths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's no secret: I'm an Ichi-ruki shipper and lap up all their fanfic love stories or not-quite-love-stories but for years I had a sinking feeling that Kubo hated my OTP and was just occasionally stringing me along. 
> 
> For a long time Kubo stated that for his characters, there are many important things outside of falling in love, and even for love for Ichigo, I thought Ichi-hime seems to be just as much his inclination as Ichi-ruki, some say more. And I guess I was reluctantly correct and this hoped for AU ended up hitting closer to canon than I knew.
> 
> So, with all due respect to canon, in MY Bleach-universe, Rukia is an ultra cool and observant character to rival Yoruichi and Urahara, she has "more than friends" feelings for Ichigo and yet she takes a zen view of all that given her life experiences.
> 
> But, I'll go to my grave insisting that, even within canon, she and Ichigo had lots of unresolved sexual tension going for them and someone on the graphics team was feeding us Ichi-ruki fan service!


	5. As I Lay Dying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just after her battle with Aaroniero, in which Rukia defeats him and then tries to go help her Nakama.

As I lay dying upon the thirsty sands of Hueco Mundo, the harpoon of my murderer/murder-victim piercing my gut, I thought about how some people have the honor of killing the first person they loved, but possibly I am the only one to be so honored twice. 

 

Kaien-dono, my mentor and friend and vice-captain. 

 

The effort to crawl was past excruciating, and I knew I would soon lose consciousness.  But I also knew I couldn't die here- somewhere beyond my blood-fogged eyes I could feel my nakama and friends fighting for their lives.

  
  
In my mind's eye I saw Orihime desperately pounding against her prison door, alone but still fighting.  I saw Chad overpowered, left arm smoking (those arms that once launched me into the air in a crazy attempt to fight hollows without shinigami skills) but getting up one time more.  I saw Ishida's limp fingers bleed from the countless arrows the Quincy archer shot in neverending, but ultimately, insufficient quantities against the arrancar tide. I saw Zabimaru coiled and lashing futilely against overwhelming force around a broken, bleeding Renji.

  
  
And Ichigo. 

  
  
In my mind's eye, Ichigo once again stood between me and the power of a million Zanpakuto's, haloed by Sokyoku's crimson flames, bloody bandages billowing, grinning his maddening grin.  Once more the crazy, disrespectful, moody, brooding, bloody strawberry tells me to shut up and forbids me from dying.

 

And as I lay dying upon the thirsty sands of Hueco Mundo I started to drag myself, one fist over the other.  I knew that I would make it to that next fight to defend my friends.  

 

Even if I have to crawl there.  


	6. I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just after her battle with Aaroniero, in which Rukia defeats him and then tries to struggle on to help her Nakama. A sort-of-sequel to my other fanfic "As I Lay Dying"

I mentally add the people I may be failing and condemning to death or worse to my list of loved ones whose lives I'm personally responsible for cutting short. 

 

_Kaien, nearly Ichigo, maybe now Chad, Renji Ishida, Inoue...._

 

The sickening thought makes me fight the encrouching, enticing darkness and pull myself one crawl more though the pain is nearly deafening and I cannot even feel the blood I know is pouring from my wounds.

 

_Kaien, nearly Ichigo, maybe now Chad, Renji Ishida, Inoue...._

 

I defeated Aaroniero Arruruerie, Nueve Arrancar, as he wore Kaien's flesh... I can take on anything now.

 

_Kaien, nearly Ichigo, maybe now Chad, Renji Ishida, Inoue...._

 

I repeat the names like a chant, a prayer, but the pain is threatens to drown me and something dark in me whispers "No more pain... no more worries...."  

 

Something seductively suggests  "Give in and accept the justice of dying on the sword of one you took by your sword...."

 

But this time I am not resigned.  

 

_Kaien, nearly Ichigo, maybe now Chad, Renji Ishida, Inoue...._

 

Unlike on Sokyoku, this time other lives depend on me and if my death is poetic justice, I am permitted to die only after I save the rest of them.

 

_Hang on Inoue..._

 

One more pull.

 

_Renji, I come..._

 

And another.

 

_Chad, Ishida, please..._

 

I can do it.

 

_Ichigo._

 

I know what it tastes like to abandon a friend to his death. 

And I have tasted being abandoned and left to die. 

But I do not approve. 

And I am not resigned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Tite Kubo and Edna Vincent Millay's "Dirge Without Music"
> 
> "Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave  
> Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;  
> Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.  
> I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned."


End file.
